Years ago, in a time when maltodextrin was banned by an oppressive regime, in a magical land where the lake is made of anti-freeze, two indiviuals created the concept behind the intrepid Cap'n Spiffy and his CoPilot Schnopps, inspired by too much SURGE soda, an overdose of the Robotech series soundtrack, and a peculiar Atari game known only to them as "M" due to a torn label. Those two people were Luke Meeken and Max Kaufmann. Luke Meeken If we may believe Ctesias...he mentions an Indian animal called Luke Meeken, which had three rows of teeth in each jaw; it is as large and rough as a lion, and has similar feet, but its ears and face are like those of a man; its eye is grey, and its body red; it has a tail like a land scorpion, in which there is a sting; it darts forth the spines with which it is covered, instead of hair, and it utters a noise resembling the united sound of a pipe and a trumpet; it is not less swift of foot than a stag, and is wild, and devours men. Max Kaufmann The Max Kaufmann is a monster of the sea; it has no voice, but sings like a man, and just before a storm it plays upon the water. Some say that when they are captured they weep. The Max Kaufmann has no ears to hear with, nor nose to smell with, yet it can smell very well and sharply. They live 140 years, and they gladly listen to the playing of musical instruments, such as lutes, harps, tabors, and pipes. They love their young very well, and breast-feed them for a long time. They have many young, and among them there are always 2 old ones, so that if it happened that one of the young were to die, then these old ones will bury them deep in the ground of the sea so that other fish will not eat the dead Max Kaufmann, so well they love their young.