This quiz has a very important use. In fact, it could be described as the MOST important quiz ever. Why, you ask? It's simple, Johnny, this quiz can provide certified indelible proof that you ARE or AREN'T me. This means that if you have ammnesia, and need to find out who you are, taking this quiz can either end your quest, or at least narrow down the possiblities. Also, say you feel absolutely miserable. Failing this quiz will prove that you are NOT me, and thus also prove that you are NOT the lowest form of life on the planet! Self deprication? You know I love it! 1. When showering, do you: Look like Adonis, and sing a soulful, inspiring rendition of Amazing Grace? Resemble Rod Serling, and sing a joyful, but unspecific tune? Resemble Captain Caveman, and scream "Stayin' Alive" at the the top of your lungs? 2. Does your interest in music lean more towards: Britany Spears, Christina Agullillariallaria? N-Sync, Backdoor Boys, et al? Almost anything except the previous two responses? 3. Does your wardrobe consist of: All of the latest fads, including ridiculously baggy pants, and shirts with the names of stupid companies on them? Just enough jeans to get through the week, and t-shirts with logos that vary from the Tick to Thundercats to UCB to Jesus? Frilly pink stuff. 4. How often do you shave? Infrequently enough that it takes at least a half hour to get that stuff offa my face, and fifteen more minutes to rinse out the poor sink. When I shave, I like it to be a project! Never--I like that rustic, fuzzy, 'face-pubes' look, as some less refined people call it. Every morning. My face is as smooth as a baby's bottom's bottom. 5. Does your video game selection consist of: The entire Crash Bandicoot series? A bunch of RPGs, plus a copy of the Lucky Luke game possessed simply as a result of "egotism, PURE egotism?" Nothing, 'cuz you're Amish? 6. How often do you cut your hair? Whenever it gets long enough to move. When it gets in my ears, shuffles about, and makes me think goblins are drilling into my brain. Cut hair? Sorry, I'm not into body mutilation. Might as well ask me to pierce my trachea while I'm at it... 7. How many times a day do you eat? Yes No Maybe 8. cat:kitten::dog: The Underground Railroad London, England Who is "Edgar Allen Poe"? 9. When you're alone in your room, do you: Dress up like Spider Man, and leap across the furniture, mumbling the Spider Man theme song? Sleep? Put on a corset, a Boba Fett mask, and a pair of rubber gloves, and hit yourself in the crotch with a hammer? 10. What do you make of this ink blot? What ink blot? It's..it's..a CATARACT...in my EYE! Colonel Sanders marrying Uncle Sam in St. Peter's Basilica, with Gary Neuman presiding. Return to the Info Page